So I've been on a huge change kick lately. I'm single for the first time in since 2003, I've gotten more aggressive with my job and am working on diversifying my income. I've been working out again. Overall, I am vying to get my house in order. Both figuratively and literally.
Life has been testing me lately. Things have been exponentially harder than I had hoped they would be, but pretty much on par with what I expected it to be. The hardest part? Actually recognizing what is a change and what is just the same thing with a different face on it. I've had to start looking for warning signs and realizing when I'm heading down the same path again.
So, that leads me to the next point - do I need to find a different path, or do I just need to find a better way to walk it? If I keep coming back to the same road over and over again, maybe that's just the best route to my destination. So, can I strap on a new pair or shoes, avoid the potholes and pitfalls, and actually make it to the finish line this time? I don't know.
All I do know is that I continue to end up on this path, no matter from whence I start. But, like playing Super Mario Bros., enough playthroughs and I'll learn where to jump and when to dodge and eventually I ought to be able to save the princess.
So maybe change is overrated. Maybe instead of changing everything in my life I can just focus on doing what I'm doing better. This gives me a new goal - to start learning from my old mistakes instead of just continually making new ones.
Goal #1 - Self-Worth.
I tend to lower my standards to meet the situations and people around me. I always do that and I see myself doing it. I don't blame the people around me, I blame myself for having such a poor self image that I continually turn myself into a doormat. But then I still get upset when I'm walked on. This last month I've been working toward holding those close to me accountable for their actions. If I can lower my expectations to meet them, they can raise their efforts. If they can't then too bad - that is the time to cut losses. What I'm not doing is waiting till im miserable and then just starting the process over on someone new. I don't go into a negotiation without knowing how low I'm willing to go - why should people be any different? I get emotionally involved, I don't want to push people away so I tolerate and adjust my expectations to match what I can get. So that is my goal - to hold people accountable and to develop standards, and if they cannot be met and a mutually beneficial situation cannot be reached I will cut my losses. And stick to it. I'm worth it. Anyone that can't see that doesn't need to be in my life in the first place.
So, that's step one. Not a full remodel but a good coat if paint and a few new fixtures my metaphorical house.