Thursday, January 16, 2014

812 Things I'm Looking for in a Relationship

I just found this old post that I had stashed in my drafts folder.  I think I had just started a relationship at the time and was afraid posting it would piss of my boyfriend at the time.  In retrospect, had I stuck to these criteria, I could have saved myself a lot of grief.


I've been dating now for 8 months.  Prior to that I had years of relationships.  I used to chameleon myself into whatever the person I was dating at the time wanted.  Lately I've been coming into my own and beginning to define what I want in a partner.  This is not a definitive list, and I doubt there is a chance in hell a guy like this actually exists.  But, this is just a list of things I've found are important to me and I'm hoping to find.

1.  Singing:  They appreciate my singing and want to attend my performances.  I am classically trained and do a lot of solo work, as well as performing with my baroque ensemble.  If I was dating a musician I would want to come to their gigs, I would hope they would want to come to mine.  If you want to go to karaoke with me that's a double win.

2. Manners:  I come from a somewhat strict family and was raised to have good manners.  I expect the same from anyone I date. This also means being sociable at family or social functions.  You don't have to be the life of the party, but don't hide in the corner with your phone all night.  Act interested in group conversation, even if you have nothing to add.  I will do the same with your friends.  Bonus points for gentlemanly behaviors - doors, chairs, giving me your arm; I adore being treated like a lady and it will definitely garner respect from my family and peers.

3.  Must love Cats:  I have a cat.  We're a package deal.  I also foster kittens.  Cats are a big part of my life and you're going to get sucked into that, might as well get on board for the ride.

4.  Dancing:  I love ballroom dance.  It's sensual and romantic and exciting and fantastic exercise.  I want to share that with you.  I'll even pay for the lessons.

5.  Romance:  I'm a little old fashioned.  I buy my boyfriends little gifts, plan surprises for them, cook them their favorite meals, and always strive to make them feel wanted and pampered.  Likewise, I appreciate flowers, gifts, surprises - little things that show they're paying attention or want to make me feel special.  It's not about spending money or being materialistic, it's about showing one another that you're appreciated and that they were thinking about you and wanted to do something to make you feel good.

6.  Dressing Well:  Different outfits were meant for different occasions. If you only have one style and it's casual we might run into issues.  I am active in my church. I am very active in the business world.  I like to go to nice plays & dinners.  We may get invited to a nice function.  Furthermore, I find well dressed men extremely attractive - there's something about a suit and tie that is just a major turn on for me.  Doesn't mean every date is a black tie affair, but looking nice for a date is a sign of respect and admiration to the person you are dating.  Save the pjs and bed head for snuggling on the couch, when we're going out I want to show you off and I want you to be proud to show me off as well.

7. Respect:  At the end of the day, I will respect you and I expect you to respect me in return.  I can't foster a relationship without it.  I need someone to admire, someone that can teach me things and that is interested in learning new skills together.  Respect is a two way street, it has to be mutual. 

8.  Snuggling:  Physical contact is important.  Enough said.

9.  Communication:  If you're unhappy I want to know it, and I want to be able to bring my problems to you.  If I have good news I want to share it with you first.  I want us to talk about our futures, values, and goals.  I don't want to harbor resentments or ill will.  That destroys relationships.


That was as far as I had gotten.  Hope it was a good read.

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