Monday, June 6, 2011

Marketable Talents

My job has been going through a tremendous amount of change lately due to healthcare reform.  In light of this, I've had to do quite a bit of soul-searching and have really needed to focus on what my marketable talents are.  So, I wrote to a sales consultant I know and respect to ask him what to do.  Clearly I must have made some kind of an impact because we're getting together for coffee on Wednesday.  So, with personal information edited, here is the letter I sent:

Subject: You've had 5 minutes of my time, now I want 5 minutes of yours.

Hey ### –

I know you’re the busiest guy in the world and you meet way more people than you could even hope to remember 30 years ago but I am vain enough to believe that if you met me again it might at least spark some recognition.  We’ve met at a couple of @$^**$#@@@^& seminars I’m a 29 year old female (I don’t know if I should refer to myself as a girl or a woman or what anymore) that likes to blurt out things like “blow shit up”.  We did have a chat after the last time and I told you the story about my friend’s nephew that took 12 hours beating down every member of his household (he worked the entire chain of command at least twice) until he finally got his way and they let him hook his Nintendo Wii up to the internet.  I still consider it to be the best lesson in “never accept a No from someone that couldn’t give you a Yes in the first place” and “never underestimate the power of persistence” I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, I wasted that time trying to remind you of who I was in the hope that it might convince you to keep reading.  The point, if I have one, is that I am finding myself in a unique (and by unique I mean slightly desperate) situation – (&%^@%^%*&^(*())@.  Being that I like things like food and hot water that puts me in a bit of a predicament.  So, for the first time ever, I think I need to job hunt. 

I’m rambling on like this to you because I’m hoping you have idea of how I should market myself.  I’m brilliant and talented and easily bored so I need something that is interesting and challenging that won’t end up with me having to move back in with my parents.  I just have no idea where to start, what to do, or what to look for.  I am afraid that if I just start sending out resumes to a bunch of companies I’m going to end up landing in a cubicle somewhere earning 30K a year and I know that I can do bigger and better things than that.  I’m sure I probably sound like a jackass but hey, there is a time for humility and it’s not when you’re in the middle of trying to sell yourself.

Jobs have never been an issue for me – I’ve always been hired just based on reputation and word of mouth.  So, this does give me an opportunity to auction myself off to the highest bidder like some kind of show pony based on my sales prowess and my Rainman-like Medicare knowledge.  I’ve always said there are 3 things I do GREAT and only 2 of them make money – singing and selling health insurance.  But, I figure I shouldn’t limit myself to that so I started thinking of other marketable talents that I possess.

Things I’m Good At –
Bringing energy and excitement into the thrilling and fascinating world of health insurance (yes, it can be done)
Product Knowledge/Development
Teaching and Motivating Others
Public Speaking
Pitching products/ideas
Travelling (I’m not married, don’t have kids, don’t own a home, and don’t have any high-maintenance pets)
Pretty much anything that involves having to think on my feet and work with people – for some reason, people tend to like me (I still can’t figure out why) and I tend to inspire confidence; so I play well with others.
Fixing wayward office supplies MacGuyver-style with paperclips and duct tape

Things I’m not so good at –
Cubicles/sitting at a desk 8 hours a day with my only view being a computer screen and a wall. I need some kind of variety/stimulation or my brain turns to moosh.  I’m a momentum person.  The more stimulating my environment the more productive I am.
Punctuality unless it’s for a meeting or something important.  Then I’m early.  If not, I tend to run about 2 minutes late.
Accounting.  I can do it it’s just not something I’m naturally good with.  Sometimes I get angry at numbers.

All I have is a $3000 car and a $30 cat (estimated retail value).  I’m not married, don’t have kids, and don’t have any high-maintenance pets.  So I am willing to move if necessary.

So that is my predicament.  Now, I don’t expect you to think for free – but as $$$ is a bit of an issue for me at the moment I’ve had to be a bit more creative in how to compensate you for your time.  Compensation is negotiable and including but not limited to:

Wash up to 3 of your cars
Clean up to 3 of your bathrooms
Help you dispose of up to 3 bodies

So if you have ANY idea of what I should do, please, either drop me a line, send me a text, or give me a call.  My cell number is ###-###-####

If you made it this far, your time and attention to my plight is GREATLY appreciated.

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