812 Reasons I'm not dead yet.

So, I know it's been a while, but I'm not dead yet.


I did, however, implement the new "stop trying to change everything just learn from prior mistakes" method I'd discussed before.  And, other than a few people I'd already established that pattern with that I did have a hard time breaking, it's been extremely successful.


Now, the downside of that has been that people that were accustomed to "doormat Jenn" have had difficulty adjusting to "don't tread on me Jenn".  I've been accused of being a cold, heartless bitch; passive-aggressive and difficult; and selfish.  But, I've also been told that I'm tough but fair and that I push the people around me to be better.  And those closest to me have stated that I have a new brightness, energy, and that I'm just generally happier than I've ever been before.  And they're right.


Since I began casting off all that didn't serve me, cutting ties with ex friends, boyfriends, and acquaintances; I've managed to focus on me for the first time in a very, very long time.  Now, I've been losing weight, making more sales than ever, finding new, awesome friends and reconnecting with old ones; and getting more sleep than I think I ever have that wasn't depression induced.  So, clearly I must be doing something right.


However, I still am having trouble fully letting go of the past.  I've managed to destroy the feelings I had for people that were preventing me from moving forward with my life, but I've yet been unable to retrain my reactions to new situations.  I've been told:

1. It's like I carry around the past with me like a bag of ammunition ready to unleash.

2. That I'm still reacting like an abuse victim and I assume everyone is going to hurt me.

3. That I need to forgive people for the past and accept that people really can change and treat things as new.

So, that's what I'm still working on.  And it's a much bigger issue than I ever expected it would be - to actually trust someone not to let me down, intentionally hurt me, disrespect me, or take me for granted is intensely difficult and I've been a frosty bitch toward everyone in self defense.  So, I'm probably doing a fantastic job of pushing people away right now but the few people that are still in the circle of trust have been goodly enough to tolerate me. 

But, the best part about this entire thing has been that I'm no longer dead inside.  I was so numb for so long - just sick to my stomach of being hurt that I didn't even give a shit anymore about anyone or anything.  And I ended up letting a lot of people in my life I shouldn't have and let them all stomp on what was left of my heart and self esteem.  Through time, effort, and self improvement I've gotten enough duct tape and crazy glue to smoosh everything back together and you know what?  I think it's actually beating again. 

I'll still be very wary of people for a while yet.  I know that.  But I think I'm finally ready to move on to Goal #2:


Goal 2: Be willing to trust people again. Stop being a closed-off ice queen to everybody - I'm smart, successful, and not too painful to look at.  People will like me for me.  If that's not enough for them - too bad for them.

Overall though, I do have to say - cutting ties with the people that had been holding me back has been by far the second best decision of my entire life, with getting Smidgen declawed being the first.  I can look at the people around me right now and feel good - I'm surrounded by people that respect and appreciate me for who and what I am, I'm not lying awake at night trying to figure out how to make them happy, they care about me and in turn are helping me to learn to care for myself. And it's working - I'm happier, healthier, and more successful than I've ever been.  If I'd know how toxic a select few people were to me I'd have shut the door years ago and NOT opened it back up.

They say living well is the best revenge, but I don't even care about revenge.  I don't even care about them, period. That part of my life is over and done with and the new part has been fantastic :-).  So, here's to the future and all the fame, fortune, and good times it holds.

812 Reasons I am under construction.

Yesterday was a rather intense day.  I got to hash out my strengths, weaknesses, and such with both an esteemed sales consultant and one of my product reps.  So, after being built up and torn down multiple times in one day paired with financial/professional worries and general road trip strain, by the time I got home I just couldn't brain anymore.



Having had a 4 hour drive back and a relatively sleepless night, I've had some time to obsess over my faults and gotten a fresh perspective what I do well.  But, in typical Jennifer fashion, I'd rather focus on the negative so I'm currently processing the criticism - once I've come to terms with it and begun making progress towards correcting them then I'll be able to look at the positives and enjoy the fact that at least there are a couple of things out there I'm doing right.



Most of the feedback I get about myself is either glowing praise (from friends, company representatives/other agents, and clients) or harsh criticism.  Now, I come from a hypercritical family so I don't take criticism very well - I take it very personally and it destroys what minute level of self esteem I may have.  Now, the two people I talked to yesterday had constructive criticism - it wasn't meant to be hurtful or insulting and it was at my request for my own personal growth and improvement.  So, despite wanting to make excuses and defend myself. I did actually listen and take these things to heart.  Of course on the way back I was talking to 'The Boyfriend' and he decided to jump on the criticism bandwagon too.  His wasn't as much constructive as much as it was deprecating and insulting though.  Which made me realize - my professional faults are very much carrying over into my personal life.  So it's going to be a war on two fronts to retrain myself.

Well, I did a lot of ruminating on what the sales consultant had to say and have been formulating my game plan. 

I’m gonna ramble here for a moment so feel free to stop reading now.

I did a brief inventory of my bookshelves and home and realized that I only had 1 book that was strictly about sales.  Now, I have a plethora of books about interpersonal communication, neurolinquistic programming, and conflict resolution – including my Dale Carnegie books and Napoleon Hill; but only one damn book about sales.  I own more books about winemaking that I do once a year and I can’t even sell but only one book about my profession that is supposed to be paying my bills.  Hell, I have 3 books about CLEANING.  Yes, 3 books about cleaning. 3 books about coffee and 1 about caffeine. I have an entire shelf of just cookbooks.  But the only book on sales that I owned was one that Dad had me order for him, he took a glance at it and said it was the same rehashed shit he already knew, and then told me to read it.

I didn’t.

So, why is it that I read every article I can find, hoard brochures and product literature, and obsess about knowing my products inside and out, but yet I do nothing to improve my skills as a salesperson?  I've gotten lazy.  Salesmanship comes easily to me so I've not done anything to really train and hone my skills as a salesperson.  But, I want to take it to the next level - not just training my agents on the product but training them on how to be fantastic salespeople.  So why have I not put that same level of time, effort, and dedication into working on myself? 



I'm an incredible singer.  But I couldn't give voice lessons - I don't know how to explain to someone else how to improve their voice.  It's just something that I do that I do well and comes easily to me.  Therefore, I don't even attempt to teach others.  Why should sales be any different?



I've trained coworkers before - but showing someone effective ways of demonstrating the features of a pair of sunglasses or what questions to ask to figure out what kind of coffee someone will enjoy isn't the same thing as teaching someone how to walk into the house of a total stranger and go over their health, their wealth, and their needs to determine what type of health plan is their best fit and how to build a dedicated, lasting customer service relationship with that client. 



I just kind of assumed that sales manager was the next logical step up from being a salesman.  It seemed logical that moving forward would mean moving in that direction.  But, you've gotta dress for the job you want, not the job you got; and I need to do my own self-motivated training if I want to get there. 



Things I learned:



1. Listen
2. Slow Down
3. You can't be good at everything.
4. Focus on what you are excited about, not what you could force yourself to be excited about.
5. Don't get arrested or run away from the cops.
6. Find out who the right person is.
7. Be consistent.
8. Don't bullshit.
9. Hire the right talent.
10. Don't get knocked up.
11. It's not what you've done, it's what you can do better.
12. Professional Cat Snuggler is not a job.
13. The coach stays on the sidelines.  If things aren't getting done right, he can't just throw on a helmet and put himself in the game. Neither can you.
14. Just be on time.
812. Don't look down your cohosts' blouse on national television.



So, I've got a lot of work to do.  Work that isn't going to pay off immediately.  Work that is going to be double plus hard because it is working on myself.  So, I need to tear down some old ideas and rebuild faster, better, and stronger.



And, if all else fails, at least I can rest assured of the fact that I do make a damn good cup of coffee.

Reason 812 why I love a good conversation.

There are very few things in life I genuinely appreciate as much as good conversation.  Not just small talk, but where the conversation becomes a living, dynamic part of the company.  Over time I've come to realize that good conversation does not come from good topics, but from good conversationalists. 

812 Attributes of an Excellent Conversationalist

1. They make their point and elaborate on it, but don't harp on restating it over and over simply with different wording.
2. They don't create filler just to lead and dominate the conversation.
3. Unless they point they are making or story they are telling is extremely important, they will let the topic derail and move onto whatever flows next.
4. This isn't small talk.
5. They do not agree with everything you say for the sake of agreement.  They will be able to elaborate on why they agree without simply restating what you just said.
6. They will not disagree with everything simply for the sake of being disagreeable.
7. They understand that disagreement does not need to result in conflict, anger, or a need to be "right".
8. They are knowledgeable about a myriad of topics. 
9. Even if they are not well versed in the topic at hand, they still follow and attempt to learn rather than force steering it into a realm they are more comfortable with.
10. They appreciate the value of educating, informing, enlightening, and sharing knowledge, opinions, and experiences.
11. They are not out to propagate their agenda or force you to their way of thinking.
12. They are not limited to 1 or 2 "go to" topics.  They do not turn every conversation to the same topic.
13. They understand that they are only the most fascinating person in the universe to their self - others may enjoy hearing about them and their life, but not all the damn time.  A good conversationalist can have an excellent conversation about anything, a bad one can have an excellent conversation about their self.
14. A good conversationalist listens.  A bad one is only waiting for their next opportunity to talk.

Excellent conversation fires up the mind.  It invigorates the soul.  Many of the greatest moments in my life have been centered around a night of talk - whether liquor fueled or not - with friends, family, or even people I'd just met.  Although it hardly holds a candle to face to face communication, I've even had excellent conversations via IM or other media.

I love the feeling when one can hardly even break away to go to the bathroom or get another drink because it's so difficult to break the flow of thoughts.  When the great philosophies of life end up scribbled on the backs of bar napkins.  When words get imprinted on the mind and thoughts upon the soul.  When the only thing that can drag you away is time or interference, not boredom or fatigue. 

Good conversation is inspirational.  It infuses the mind and spirit with thoughts that come alive.  It invigorates one's day with creativity and sends neurons sparking on all cylinders. It fends off negative ruminations and serves as a reminder that there is other intelligent life out there and that we can find it. 

Inspiring conversation is addictive.  Once you get a taste for it you just crave more.  Small talk and chit chat just don't cut it anymore.  There are so many things out there much more fascinating than what you've been doing lately and what's new in pop culture.  I want to know what sets someones soul on fire.  I've been reconnecting with some excellent conversationalists and I've come to notice that it's made me thirsty for more.  It's been a long time since I've actually been able to sit down and talk with anyone that didn't default to work or other life stressors.  And now all I can think about is when and where I'm going to get my next fix ;-P

 

Moving

I wanted to apologize for the 6 week gap in posts.  It wasn't because I got off to a running start then promptly ran out of material, it was because I was moving.  Yep.  Anyone that has moved before I'm sure understands what that entails, but just in case you didn't, I'm going to let you know the process this move took.

It all started when my twin brother moved to California.  Dad, Twin, and I all sat down and had a powwow in Dad's basement and after several rounds of Black Bush & Coke it was decided that I would buy Twin's house.  I was excited, my current house was in an iffy neighborhood and had some fairly significant flaws.  It had character, but the pro's of the character were outweighed by the con's of the flaws and neighborhood.  Also, Twin was leaving his house furnished, so other than some $$$ for a tv and soundsystem he was leaving, I was inheriting a lot of very nice furniture and appliances.  So, he got out of having to gut and sell the house, and I got a very substantial upgrade in my living situation.

Normally, whenever I've moved in the past, I've spent weeks boxing things up, organizing help, organizing a truck, and setting a day when I'd get everything done at once.  This was not one of those moves.

Firstly, the house I was moving into needed a lot of work.  As aforementioned, they left me a lot of fantastic stuff, which I very truly appreciate.  But with the furniture and the house came the clutter and mess left when someone has 1.5 weeks to move across the country.  So, I was essentially moving my full house into their full house.  Granted they got rid of a lot of stuff and I did too, but it produced a unique situation where there was the additional step of having to clean off a shelf or clean out a cabinet before having the room for my things.  So, everything in the house I touch I must make a decision about - keep, move, toss, donate.  Dust/wipe down/vacumn, then unload the things I wanted to put there in the first place.  It's been fascinating discovering the things that are now mine, sometimes finding things that I don't even know what they are, and possibly even discovering new uses for some items; but it does make everything into a 3 step process.

Secondly, don't ever move in December.  It's nearly impossible to find help.  I spent a month just moving over a carload at a time several night a week trying to work around Work, Church, Choirs, Holiday functions, etc.  Weather was an issue - trying to plan any help for big items on days when it wouldn't be precipitating or ungodly cold.  Salt and wet get tracked all over the floors.  Everybody is busy.  Money is tight.  Moving on a sunny, 70 degree day in spring or fall when there isn't much going on is easy.  Moving when it's 38 degrees out and you have to vacumn the mud out of the carpet in your old house before the sun goes down because you've already moved all the lamps not so much so.

Everything becomes a priority.  I tried to have a game plan.  I tried to get the new house spotlessly clean and organized before moving my things in.  I tried to take things one room at a time.  It didn't happen.  I was going to start with the upstairs (it didn't need much work) and then work my way down from there.  I was going to make my bedroom, the kitchen, and the family room all box-free zones so that I could be able to relax a little bit.  Didn't happen.  I had priorities, like minor fixes, painting, etc. that I wanted to get done before moving my stuff in.  Didn't happen.

I ended up just starting in the areas I was using the most - kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and working my way out from there.  Most of the cleaning I did already needs to be re-done due to dust and crud being tracked in on boxes and shoes.  All the deep cleaning - cleaning the furniture, scrubbing the floors, etc. turned into quick wipedowns and swifferings.  My kitchen table turned into two piles - cleaning products & stuff I don't know what to do with.  I can't find things like pliers because I "put them away" and I don't remember where "away" is.  Everyone that sees the house has a different idea of "what you need to do first".  Everything takes money. 

So, I've had to adapt a new philosophy on the house - "My priority is to not have a priority.  I'll do what I want to do, when I feel like doing it, until eventually the house is at least clean and everything is either where it should be or at least in a box on a storage shelf."  So far it's been working.  The upstairs is coming together, the main floor only has a few trouble spots, the basement still needs a lot of work but that is by far the least used part of the house, so it hasn't really bothered me yet.  When it warms up a bit the garage and decks will need some work, but as it's January in Ohio right now, hanging out outside isn't really happening. 

Internet hasn't even been a priority.  For some reason my laptop won't find any networks right now, so until I get that working or get my desktop set up (which involves getting the office set up, which involves cleaning the basement) my only home internet access is through my phone.  The Droid X does have a fantastic screen, but it's just not optimal for writing anything of this size when typing with thumbs.  Also, I work in front of a computer all day, so when I get home at night if I'm going to boot up a computer it has to be for something significantly more interesting than word processing.  Not having internet or cable is actually quite nice, I've been going through my dvd collection, reading books, getting things done around the house at a much higher rate than when I don't have my DVR holding all my favorite shows on standby.  I haven't even done any gaming yet. 

Overall, I'm happy to be in the new house and I am enjoying it immensely.  But it has taken quite some time to get it where it is and I know it will be a long journey to get the house where I want it to be, but I am to the point now where I don't spend half my mornings digging through boxes and bags to find something I need, I can cook a proper meal without having to go searching for something, and I can chill on the couch with a hot fire, a soft kitty, a warm blankie, a stiff drink, and watch House dvds without staring at boxes.  And for now, that works for me.

812 Reasons I became a Vocalist

I am a classical vocalist.  A dramatic coloratura soprano to be specific.  If you know what that is, I love you.

1.  Papa
2. Grandma
3. Dad
4. Mom

I've been singing my whole life.  My grandfather (aka Papa) used to sing us all to sleep when we were little; mostly "By the light of the silvery moon" and "The Army Air Corps Song".  Grandma (aka Grandma) is still always humming to herself, or randomly breaking into softly sung renditions of "What a friend we have in Jesus" or "Let me call you Sweetheart".   My Dad (aka Boss/Dad) has a little bit of musical ADD - if he hears anything that reminds him of a song lyric, he'll instantly regale you with a verse or two of the song.  Mom does that a little bit too but not nearly as much.  And Mom can sing.  In tune.  My brother can rap, my little sister can rockband.

5. I was a "creative" (read: somewhat ADD) child

Being in a family that accepted random musical outbursts, I grew up not being squeamish or embarrassed by singing in front of others.  When I would play with my She-ra horses (I liked the horses better than the dolls) or Barbie horses or any other kind of toy horses I had (and the fancy stone/crystal/ceramic ones that were supposed to be just for looks) I would lay them out on my bed or the floor or whatever surface that would be the backdrop for my fantastic adventures, and I would sing each part.  I would sing the setting, the action, all the different voice parts for my toys, and they would have epic adventures, battles, romances, and whatever gibberish my brain would spew forth, all done in song.  I would sing along with the radio, the tv, other people, or just by myself.  Sometimes I'd sing songs, other times I would just sing whatever came to mind or whatever I was doing (I still do that by the way.  I have typing songs, driving songs, cooking songs, and most of all Kitty Cat songs.  Steve the cat likes to sing along with the kitty cat songs.)

6. Lutheran Church

So, anyway, I grew up in a singing family and I went to Lutheran church.  For those of you unfamiliar with the various Christian sects, the Lutherans are known for their singing and for their strict sensibilities.  We thrive on tradition and are pretty much Catholic Lite.  So, lots of singing, chanting, sung responses, and the like. I was a troublemaker, so I always ended up getting passed down the pew until I reached the end, where Papa sat.  Well, Papa had the patience of a saint (and no one else to pass me to) so I'd end up plunked down next to him.  Sitting between Papa and Dad, I had no choice but to behave myself and follow along with the service.  Papa would give me his gold-plated pencil from the engraved pen and pencil set he always kept in his inside suitcoat pocket, and let me draw on my service folder (we all thought I was going to be an artist back then) during the sermon to keep me mildly entertained, but I was expected to sit quietly and pay attention during the rest of the service.  Sitting between his bass and Dad's tenor, I sang everything an octave down.  So, I spent about the first 13 years of my life as an alto.

7. Debbie Follsteadt and my first solo

When I was 10 years old, our elementary school (oh wait, I should stop and point out that I am a twin.  Because of that, I tend to refer to my childhood in 3rd person plural to incorporate the fact that almost everything I did included at least my brother.) was putting on a little show about the American Revolution with the 4th, 5th, and 6th grades.  Well, one day after practice Debbie Follsteadt (aka Debbie St. Onge) called a handful of us down around the piano.  She selected Rachel and asked her to sing the first verse of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic".  Well, Rachel, as about all of the rest of the group, was in the G.A.T.E. (Gifted And Talented Enrichment) Music program.  I was in G.A.T.E. too, but for Art.  So, Rachel sings, timidly, the verse.

She calls on me next.  I start off timidly, as Rachel had, feeling extremely and uncomfortably self-aware.  About halfway through the verse I realized "wait, I wasn't singing it like this in practice, why am I being shy now?"  And that's when it happened.  I ignored my emotions, gave it my all, and rocked those grapes of wrath.  I got the only solo in the entire show. That moment changed my life. 


8. Carmen

Well, after that it was established that I could sing.  But, I was still singing alto (or tenor or baritone) thanks to Dad and Papa.  Until a woman at my church named Carmen started sitting behind me.  Carmen could sing, and she was a soprano.  With her behind me, I was tuning into her instead of Dad and singing everything in a proper octave.  This was the point where I really began to grow and develop my voice.

9. Miss Lindsey

 Miss Lindsey (now Lara Moon) was my junior high choir director.  I had her for 7th grade choir and Vail Singers.  In 8th grade I dropped choir to take Spanish so I could go on the foreign language field trip to Washington DC.  I figured I could just do Vail Singers, but the tax levy didn't pass and it got cut from the extracurricular activities.  So for at least one year, I had a great music program.  Miss Lindsey was soooo patient with me and my quirky annoying habits - gave me solos, worked with me personally, and even put me in my first contest.  I sang "Panis Angelicus" and got a 1 (that's the best ranking).  It was my first time competing and it was my first time singing in Latin. 

10. Julie Dima

Dima was a great director and I learned the most about music theory from her.  She and I were never close, but she was an incredible director.  Strict, but she got results. Our A Capella choir went to contest at AA under her and got a 1.  She had me sight reading in 6/8 time. 

11. Dr. Robert Hauck

Dr. Hauck wasn't my first voice teacher, I saw a lady for a few months my junior year of high school but she and I never clicked and I don't feel I grew or developed at all as a vocalist under her.  She did send me to contest where I sang "All in the April Evening" and got a 1, but I do feel it was more on my merit than hers.  She was really more of a glorified accompanist.  I'm not knocking what she did for her other students, but she and I just weren't very compatible.

Now, the latter part of my senior year I began seeing Dr. Hauck.  He was fantastic.  He taught me proper breathing, proper technique, tricks and tips, dark vowels, and under him I grew and developed a rich vibrato.  I stopped seeing him because time and money got tight.  I'd go back to him in a heartbeat though, I just wish he didn't live so far away.

12. My Choirs

With my voice came the privilege/obligation to use it.  I'd join almost any choir that needed me.  This included my church choir (under Debbie Follsteadt), my schools A Capella choir, Show Choir, every musical, The Lebanon Symphonic Orchestra and Chorus, The Dayton Philharmonic Chorus (I was the first high school student to sing for them), and currently the Middletown Civic Chorus, my church choir under Jim Fry, and the First United Methodist Church choir under Mary Ellen Clinard. 


13. Mary Ellen Clinard

 Mary Ellen was our accompanist my senior year of high school.  She and I got along well, but we really didn't know each other very well back then.  That would come 9 years later, when I went to see Yun Kim perform at the First Friday Concert series at the First United Methodist Church here in Middletown.  Well, Mary Ellen saw me there, remembered me from high school, and asked me to join her choir.  This has been a fantastic opportunity for me.  I've met interesting people, soloed, expanded my repertoire, and feel that I'm really beginning to get my voice back and thanks to a tonsil/addenoidectomy in 2002 I now have a bigger post-resonance chamber thereby giving me a fuller, richer, deeper sound.  She's been awesome to work with and she her motivation, energy, and enthusiasm really makes me feel like I'm working towards being a professional vocalist again. 

14. Yun Kim/Mike Hughes

Yun is one of the absolute top organists in the country.  I'm not just saying that, she has the awards to back it up.  She has a doctorate in organ performance and I could listen to her play all day.  Mike is her adoring husband/faithful promoter/devout page-turner.  By far one of the most genuinely compatible/adorable couples I know.  Mike and I have been in several choirs together, and Yun has been my accompanist many times for everything from church services to solos to scholarship competitions (which I, of course, won).  I have been so fortunate to have them in my life for their support.

812. Debbie Follsteadt/St. Onge

Every time I think of all the different factors that went into making me the singer I am today, it always comes back to Debbie.  She gave me my first solo.  8 years later I was the soloist for her wedding.  She gave me solos, duets, ensembles, descants, and auditions; and has been a teacher, and accompanist, a choir director, a judge, and a friend.   She has been a phenomenal inspiration and resource for me and without her influence, patience (I don't think I can emphasize that enough) and support I don't believe I would be the singer I am today, if at all.

I have been so lucky to have all the fantastic people in my life that I do.  This list is just a sample of those that I feel were the most influential to me, particularly in my growth and development.  I don't know if it is luck, fortune, or fate that puts me in the right places at the right times, and this list is always growing.

Age is More than just a Number

I've never believed that age is just a number.  Now, I primarily work with an older adult market, and I do agree that as age increases the lines blur more and more.  I have clients that are preparing for the end of their life, I have clients that still have children at home, I have clients retiring, I have clients starting new careers and going back to school.  But I digress...

What I commonly see are issues with myself and my friends and our younger friends.  When you're in high school, the lines are much more defined and age makes a huge (and sometimes legal) difference.  But once you're out, the lines blur and the only real difference between you and everyone else is whether or not you can legally buy booze.

But the differences don't end there, and for at least the next few years, there are many life stages that must be passed through before one goes from being a legal adult to an actual adult.

Reasons why age does matter:

1.  So you're a legal adult.  That's awesome.  You ready to install a water softener?  You have the money to pay for the maintenance on your car? Do you even know how to change a tire?  Ya, you're probably still relying on your parents for a lot of things.  You're not independent yet.  Even if you live on your own, if you're still financially dependent on your parents, you're not an adult.  I don't care how old you are.  Being an adult means being financially independent and self reliant.

2.   There are a lot of emotional changes taking place through this period.  It's hard to go straight from being a child to being an adult without the transitional period there.  It can lead to rocky relationships because you want to be accepted as an adult but you're emotionally still underdeveloped.  Your emotional needs and relationship goals are constantly changing.  Just because you know what you want in the long run doesn't mean that's what you need right now.  Don't be afraid to act your age or you'll grow up too fast and wake up one day realizing you really are an adult and that you never had any fun like I did.

3.   Having your own place and own money doesn't mean you're an adult. There is a lot of real life learning that has to take place, what to do when the drains are backing up, how to care for your lawn, how to drain your water softener, how often to change your furnace filter, etc. that only come from experience and advice.  Don't be afraid to ask for advice or to accept it when it's given - you don't know everything about everything and it's worth your time and attention to learn from others that have been in the game longer.

4.  Accept that you and your friends might be at different life stages.  It used to be that you graduated high school, maybe went to college, got married, and had kids.  It was easy to define everyone's life stage.  Now, we're staying single longer, moving out later, leaving and coming back to college, etc.   So, even though you may be close friends, there can be a world of difference between an 24 year old and a 28 year old.  That's not a bad thing, but it is something to be taken into consideration.  Not everyone can stay out all night.  Sometimes saying that you have to stay home and do laundry and clean the bathroom means that you really need to do that - it's not going to clean itself and that is the time you had budgeted to take care of household chores. Likewise, needing to study is serious business and should be respected.  Just because you're done with college doesn't mean others don't still have a long way to go.

5.  Inter-relational dynamics.  This is where it can really become an issue.  Whether it is a relationship or simply a friendship, when one partner is significantly further along in their life stage, it is very difficult to see someone on a less developed stage as an equal.  This can skew the relationship from being symmetrical into being complimentary - instead of being partners one becomes the teacher/parent figure and the other becomes the learner/child.  Once this has been established it can be a very difficult dynamic to overcome.

6. More dynamics - When unbalanced partners enter a relationship aside from casual friendship, they enter into a superior/inferior dynamic.  This means that one partner inevitably holds the power in the relationship because they bring more resources into the relationship.  This could be having their own place, having more money, having handyman/mechanical/automotive skills, having more friends, or being the person the other relies on for emotional, financial, or sexual support.  This means that the inferior partner will have a more vested interest in the relationship because they are having more needs met by their partner than they are meeting for their partner.  This can lead to excessive bargaining in order to preserve the relationship, and may eventually lead to resentment.

7.  Goals - As mentioned earlier, just because you both want a house and a family some day doesn't mean you both need it right now.  If one of you is looking at remodeling a bathroom and financing options for a new car and the other is looking at finding a job where they don't have to deal with hot grease burns and trying to find a way to keep their mom off of their Facebook, you might not have the same short term goals.  Now, maybe one partner is willing and happy to wait for the other to finish their degree and get established in a career before talking about marriage, but it is very likely that one partner will either believe that the other is holding them back or trying to drag them along before they're ready.

812. Don't be afraid to act your age.  I've said it before and I can't say it enough.  You can't expect to be treated like an adult when you still react like a child.  Likewise, if you do act like an adult, people will assume you are one and treat you accordingly whether you're prepared or not.  You don't want to wake up one day with a spouse and house and child and realize you never had any fun or that you never took the risks you wish you had before you took on your adult responsibilities.  Likewise, if all your friends are working hard, buying houses, getting married, and breeding - maybe it's a sign that you either have to get with the times or be left behind.  You can still have fun and enjoy life without wasting it.  Don't latch onto other people to benefit from their hard work without being willing to work hard to earn those things for yourself.